If you're looking for some safe places to have a coffee this weekend during the Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, then look no further than our Unofficial Top 6 Safest Coffee Places list...
...of places within your own home.
The Unofficial Top 6 Safest Coffee Places List
1/ Coffee In Your BedroomAh, your bedroom. Often where the day begins with the thick smell of morning breath and the release of the duvet Dutch oven – google it, folks. This splendid location is where this nightmarish 24-hour cycle begins...but rather comfortingly also ends.
In other words, a wonderfully diverse location in which you’re able to drift away from this bizarre new reality, only to awaken to discover it was not just all a dream. Fear not, the dawn of a new day brings the chance to once again explore the uncharted depths of your humble abode.
We recommend enjoying this room in the morning for as long as you can. Leave it only to grab a coffee and some food, then it’s back to bed for another episode of what-on-Earth-am-I-going-to-do-today-to-stop-myself-from-going-completely-insane, or maybe one of those 400 Come Dine With Me episodes you’ve recorded.
2/ Coffee In Your KitchenOh, we love the kitchen. This is where the real magic happens. Think of it as the operations hub - coffee brewing or recreating your favourite brunch treats are all regular occurrences. Homemade baked beans? Some sautéed mushrooms and chives to complete your overcooked scrambled eggs? You got it!
In reality, though, you haven’t got it. I know anyone can technically train at Le Cordon Bleu, but realistically it’s not going to be you. Let’s ditch the sautéed mushrooms and chives, get yourself a tin of baked beans and focus on the elements you can control - brewing the perfect coffee.
No one can complain about a lack of time or about the brew method being inconvenient for travel or the workplace. The kitchen holds all that you need to do this. This is why it’s a key component of your weekend and we think is definitely worth a visit.
3/ Coffee In Your LoungeIn whichever room you have your sofa, we recommend setting this up as your daily basecamp. Only today, your Everest is finding something to watch that you haven’t already seen or that isn’t Grown Ups or Grown Ups 2 - if you find yourself watching either of these two films then you have likely succumbed to the depths of Netflix-scrolling-despair.
To avoid falling into this hole, we suggest regular breaks to other locations, such as the kitchen or the bathroom (not like that you filthy sod), and ensuring that whoever is making these dreadful film choices is repurposed for another key daily task, such as turning all of the plugs off in the house that aren’t being used. In any case, this is a great place to visit and totally worth the trip.
4/ Coffee In Your GardenFor those that have it, think of it like time out in the yard in a prison, just with your favourite homebrew. It’s a time for you to chat to Nanus, your elderly neighbour, through the fence about how the war was a total breeze compared to this, or return little Felicity’s bouncy ball - oh isn’t she such a little darling, such a little sweeth... snap out of it, she’s not to be trusted! That little wretch could be an asymptomatic carrier!! Plus you’ve got to consider where that ball's been...
The key thing here is you’re outside. Look at the sky and ponder on the fact that the law of probability suggests that this exact UK-wide lockdown could be happening on a planet exactly like our own to someone who looks just like you. Or, you could just enjoy the fresh air.
5/ Coffee In Your BathroomA versatile location and one which is commonly associated with getting nude. It is also where people go to evacuate one's bowels. What a bizarre pairing. Imagine if someone said to you “Hey Jane, I know a great place for us to go this weekend, its somewhere famous for getting nude and people defecating...(!)” I mean you’d consider it (very questionable choice), but you’d probably also consider just staying in and never seeing that person again.
In any case, the bathroom can be a great place for a coffee. Whilst not everyone’s first choice, it’s typically when you’re in a rush, so are enjoying your coffee on the move, or when you’re really not in a rush and enjoying a nice long bath, say. In the current climate, no one is in a rush. Absolutely no one. So, if you're a bath person or enjoy really long showers with a coffee (odd), we think this might just be the room for you.
6/ Coffee In Your HallwayNot really a hang out spot, more of an area you pass through but definitely worth the visit to look at that dodgy picture you brought with you from your parents' house to ‘liven up the place’, or your niece's painting that your sister thought you might want - ‘It’s a modern take on the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood movement, how can you not see that?’.
If you’ve got a step, take a seat, stay a while. Ponder why you’ve never sat here before. Realise because it’s ridiculous. Now move on you weirdo.
Conclusion. How Best To Stay Safe During The Coronavirus Pandemic
That’s it, folks. Oh, the variety we’ve outlined above will keep you coffee-ing ‘til kingdom come! As for the coffee you need to experience these places, look no further than the independent coffee roasters available on GUSTATORY's coffee marketplace, or leave it with us and subscribe to one of GUSTATORY's coffee box subscriptions - we’ve got you covered. All jokes aside, we know it’s hard but please do your utmost to adhere to the restrictions imposed by the government. The more we do so, the quicker we’ll get through this. Let’s stay safe everyone and, please, stay home...
GUSTATORY (adjective): curating excellence in taste.